Just a few to break the whole routine of me posting some stuff about my migraines (heavy auras today) and vitamins (took them all like a good little girl).
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after it finishes college.
This guy gets these chronic migraine headaches. One day he sees a doctor about his problem.
The doctor gives him a thorough examination and says, "I can cure your headaches, but I`ll have to cut your balls off to do it."
At first the man is horrified at this idea, but the headaches keep getting worse and worse. He can`t work or sleep, his sex life is nonexistent, and he`s generally miserable. Finally, he goes back to the doctor and says, "I don`t care anymore, cut them off. Just get rid of these damned headaches!
The doctor performs the operation, and immediately the headaches go away.
The guy is relatively happy, now. He may not have a sex life, but he figures this is price he has to pay for a life without pain. One day, he decides to get himself a new wardrobe. He goes to this nice new men`s shop downtown.
As soon as he walks in the door, the clerk looks carefully at him and says, "You wear a 44 long jacket, don`t you?" The guy says, "Yeah, how did you know?"
"It`s in the eye," says the clerk. "Your neck is seventeen and one quarter inches, but given your build, medium shirt sleeves should work."
"That is incredible!" the guy says. "Hmm... and you wear a 36 large jockstrap."
"Ah hah! You`re wrong," the guy says gleefully. "I wear a 32 small jockstrap."
"No, you have to wear a 36 large," says the clerk.
"Look, I`m sorry, but you`re wrong. I wear a 32 small."
That`s impossible," says the confused clerk. "A 32 small jockstrap would pinch your balls and give you migraine headaches."
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